parenting

All posts tagged parenting

Revel in Your Victory

Published March 18, 2015 by uncommonmommy

Sit down tonight and ask yourself these questions:

– When did you successfully parent the way you wanted to today?

– When did you stay calm and react the way you wanted,  or refrain from reacting?

– What moments can you take pride in?

Instead of focusing on all the times you really screwed up today,  do something good for yourself and revel in your victories, no matter how few or how small.

Write them down. 
Be proud of yourself.
And keep your eyes open for more opportunities to succeed
In your interactions tomorrow.

Well done parent. Well done.

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Forgiveness and Love

Published February 19, 2015 by uncommonmommy

Forgiveness has been a challenging one for me.
In my life I’ve just found so many people to hold accountable for the pain they brought into my journey.
So many grudges to hold.
So many wounds left open.

To what end?
They are not aware of my feelings, and if they are,  my seething is in no way affecting their daily lives.
They move on,  while I constantly rip the bandaid off a festering putrid lesion.

Who is suffering in this scenario? 
How is it that I am both the punisher and the punished?

Most heartbreaking has been the discovery that to let go,  to heal,  to love again, I have to connect with the offender.  I have to end the separation. Shut up the voice that says, “I’m better than them. ”

For my mother it was realizing that just as I’m doing the best I can with what I have, so too did she.  We are the same.

For my father it was realizing we both have strengths and weaknesses,  but we are equally as beautiful as humans. We are the same.

For my father’s wife it was connecting with her deep seated pain,  her loneliness, her abandonment, and the loss of what should have been.  We are the same.

For my mother’s husband it was realizing I too embody the monster.  I am not without sin,  and while I’ve  tried hard,  I’ve inflicted deep wounds on those I love.  I am no better.  We are the same.

In the end, forgiving them didn’t make their actions right,  it made mine understandable.   I forgave myself and reconnected with a self love that has done nothing but help my other relationships blossom.

We cannot love completely without forgiving completely.
They are the two sides of the coin of connection.

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Choice of Love

Published February 13, 2015 by uncommonmommy

Today I will choose love.
Tomorrow I will choose love.
And the day after that, I will choose love.
If I mistakenly choose distraction, perfection, or negativity over love, I will not wallow in regret. I will choose love next.
I will choose love until it becomes my first response … my gut instinct … my natural reaction.
I will choose love until it becomes who I am.

-Rachel  Macy  Stafford 

Making the choice to love seems so easy, common sense really,  especially where our children are concerned, yet all we have to do is look around us to see the multitudes choosing anything but love.

There’s a movement of mothers out there taking a profound approach to parenting.  A gentle approach,  a cooperative approach,  a kind respectful,  peaceful approach to the obstacles of motherhood.

It is not easy to stop a moving train,  let alone turn it around,  but it is possible.  I stand here as testimony to that,  and I’m not alone in my choice,  struggles,  or achievements.

Love is not the easy choice but it is always the best choice.

The only important thing in life: sharing the connection we call love.

-Judith Lasater

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Experience the Is.

Published September 24, 2013 by uncommonmommy

I’m once again being called to reconcile my expectations with reality.

I realized a great number of the negative interactions I have with my four year old are caused by my expectations of how he should be acting, what he should be doing, or how the situation should be going.

The key word here is should. Not is.  Therein lies the problem.

Let go of the should.  Experience the is.

 

Trade your trash for glory.

Published September 12, 2013 by uncommonmommy

I often think of all the new behaviors or things I want in my life. 

More joy, understanding, compassion, smiles, creativity, love, etc.

The problem arises when one tries to pile these new behaviors on top of a lifetime of accumulated rubbish.  What you end up with is a fake smile and a begrudging heart still heavily laden with negativity and old beliefs/patterns.

The biggest changes in my life have not come off my “what I want” list, but have been a direct result of the “what I want less of” list. 

I want to criticize less, to blame less, to be less attached to the emotions of others, yell less, have fewer outbursts, etc.

Begin by making your own “what I want less of” list.   Then, when you find yourself doing something you want less of, take a moment to notice.  Point it out.  Shine a spotlight on it.  I’m doing this again. Notice how you feel.  Remind yourself you don’t want to do this anymore. 

That is awareness. 

The more you observe your negative patterns and behaviors, the less they’ll occur.  As the negativity and old behaviors dissipate, space opens up for the things on your “what I want” list to move in naturally. 

You must first make space before you can make change.

Trade your:

Criticism for Compassion

Anger for Kindness

Entitlement for Generosity

Lack for Abundance

Blame for Understanding

Turmoil for Peace

Fear for Love.

 

Like Day and Night.

Published September 4, 2013 by uncommonmommy

I want my oldest to enjoy time playing alone, doing arts and crafts, etc.  But the reality is, he loves to be with me.  ALL the time.  Given the choice he’d rather wash dishes or dust shelves with me than play with a favorite toy. 

My little one never really seems interested in what I’m doing.  Sure he’ll splash in the dishwater for a minute, but he much prefers to play amongst his wooden blocks, sandbox, or with a paper and crayon.

It dawned on me today, how I need to be for each of them.  My oldest needs to be incorporated into my rhythm.  He needs to participate in the cooking and housework more, because he likes it and behaves better when he is.  I’m often guilty of denying his help because I just want to get it done.

My little one loves our Waldorf activities and toys, and needs me to set him up with one before I take on a task where I can’t chase him.

The smoothest part of my day today was when I sat the little one down with the marker he stole, a piece of paper and a cardboard box to put it on, and then let the oldest help me clean out, vacume and reorganize the closet in that room.  Both boys were happy, occupied and out of trouble, and I still got to check something off my to-do list.

Surrendering to what they need over what I want makes a world of difference.